Princess Mary was left alone. She did not comply with Lise'srequest, she not only left her hair as it was, but did not even lookin her glass. Letting her arms fall helplessly, she sat withdowncast eyes and pondered. A husband, a man, a strong dominant andstrangely attractive being rose in her imagination, and carried herinto a totally different happy world of his own. She fancied achild, her own- such as she had seen the day before in the arms of hernurse's daughter- at her own breast, the husband standing by andgazing tenderly at her and the child. "But no, it is impossible, Iam too ugly," she thought.

　　"Please come to tea. The prince will be out in a moment," came themaid's voice at the door.

　　She roused herself, and felt appalled at what she had been thinking,and before going down she went into the room where the icons hung and,her eyes fixed on the dark face of a large icon of the Saviour litby a lamp, she stood before it with folded hands for a few moments.A painful doubt filled her soul. Could the joy of love, of earthlylove for a man, be for her? In her thoughts of marriage PrincessMary dreamed of happiness and of children, but her strongest, mostdeeply hidden longing was for earthly love. The more she tried to hidethis feeling from others and even from herself, the stronger itgrew. "O God," she said, "how am I to stifle in my heart thesetemptations of the devil? How am I to renounce forever these vilefancies, so as peacefully to fulfill Thy will?" And scarcely had sheput that question than God gave her the answer in her own heart."Desire nothing for thyself, seek nothing, be not anxious orenvious. Man's future and thy own fate must remain hidden from thee,but live so that thou mayest be ready for anything. If it be God'swill to prove thee in the duties of marriage, be ready to fulfillHis will." With this consoling thought (but yet with a hope for thefulfillment of her forbidden earthly longing) Princess Mary sighed,and having crossed herself went down, thinking neither of her gown andcoiffure nor of how she would go in nor of what she would say. Whatcould all that matter in comparison with the will of God, withoutWhose care not a hair of man's head can fall?BK3|CH4