Dounia was simply essential to him

　　Pyotr Petrovitch gazed at him for some seconds with a pale face thatworked with anger, then he turned, went out, and rarely has any mancarried away in his heart such vindictive hatred as he felt againstRaskolnikov. Him, and him alone, he blamed for everything. It isnoteworthy that as he went downstairs he still imagined that hiscase was perhaps not utterly lost, and that, so far as the ladies wereconcerned, all might "very well indeed" be set right again.

　　Chapter Three

　　THE FACT was that up to the last moment he had never expected suchan ending; he had been overbearing to the last degree, neverdreaming that two destitute and defenceless women could escape fromhis control. This conviction was strengthened by his vanity andconceit, a conceit to the point of fatuity. Pyotr Petrovitch, whohad made his way up from insignificance, was morbidly given toself-admiration, had the highest opinion of his intelligence andcapacities, and sometimes even gloated in solitude over his image inthe glass. But what he loved and valued above all was the money he hadamassed by his labour, and by all sorts of devices: that money madehim the equal of all who had been his superiors.

　　When he had bitterly reminded Dounia that he had decided to take herin spite of evil report, Pyotr Petrovitch had spoken with perfectsincerity and had, indeed, felt genuinely indignant at such "blackingratitude." And yet, when he made Dounia his offer, he was fullyaware of the groundlessness of all the gossip. The story had beeneverywhere contradicted by Marfa Petrovna, and was by then disbelievedby all the townspeople, who were warm in Dounia'a defence. And hewould not have denied that he knew all that at the time. Yet hestill thought highly of his own resolution in lifting Dounia to hislevel and regarded it as something heroic. In speaking of it toDounia, he had let out the secret feeling he cherished and admired,and he could not understand that others should fail to admire ittoo. He had called on Raskolnikov with the feelings of a benefactorwho is about to reap the fruits of his good deeds and to hearagreeable flattery. And as he went downstairs now, he consideredhimself most undeservedly injured and unrecognised.

　　Dounia was simply essential to him; to do without her wasunthinkable. For many years he had voluptuous dreams of marriage,but he had gone on waiting and amassing money. He brooded with relish,in profound secret, over the image of a girl- virtuous, poor (she mustbe poor), very young, very pretty, of good birth and education, verytimid, one who had suffered much, and was completely humbled beforehim, one who would all her life look on him as her saviour, worshiphim, admire him and only him. How many scenes, how many amorousepisodes he had imagined on this seductive and playful theme, when hiswork was over! And, behold, the dream of so many years was all butrealised; the beauty and education of Avdotya Romanovna hadimpressed him; her helpless position had been a great allurement; inher he had found even more than he dreamed of. Here was a girl ofpride, character, virtue, of education and breeding superior to hisown (he felt that), and this creature would be slavishly gratefulall her life for his heroic condescension, and would humble herself inthe dust before him, and he would have absolute, unbounded powerover her!... Not long before, he had, too, after long reflection andhesitation, made an important change in his career and was nowentering on a wider circle of business. With this change his cherisheddreams of rising into a higher class of society seemed likely to berealised.... He was, in fact, determined to try his fortune inPetersburg. He knew that women could do a very great deal. Thefascination of a charming, virtuous, highly educated woman mightmake his way easier, might do wonders in attracting people to him,throwing an aureole round him, and now everything was in ruins! Thissudden horrible rupture affected him like a clap of thunder; it waslike a hideous joke, an absurdity. He had only been a tiny bitmasterful, had not even time to speak out, had simply made a joke,been carried away- and it had ended so seriously. And, of course, too,he did love Dounia in his own way; he already possessed her in hisdreams- and all at once! No! The next day, the very next day, itmust all be set right, smoothed over, settled. Above all he must crushthat conceited milksop who was the cause of it all. With a sickfeeling he could not help recalling Razumihin too, but, he soonreassured himself on that score; as though a fellow like that could beput on a level with him! The man he really dreaded in earnest wasSvidrigailov.... He had, in short, a great deal to attend to....-